1. If I look at you, look up at your eyes, down to your lips, I take in every freckle, for some reason you can't just let me enjoy that. You have to say something. "You want me to kiss you don't you?" If you think I want you to kiss me, then kiss me. It made me feel self-conscious. It made me feel like you didn't want to kiss me. Like you looked down at me. Like you were laughing at me. Maybe that's really how you felt.
2. I hated when you held your jacket open like a total tool when you went to hug me.
3. I hated when you told me how cold I was with that pained and disappointed look on your face, because I couldn't make you warm. Why didn't you care for me? Why didn't you let me wear your jacket?
5. I hated when you tried to hang out with me and my "friends". I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but I don't have any real friends. I don't hang out with those people, I was just waiting for you to show up. I wanted to be with YOU. Can you please stop walking towards them? They're walking away from us. What do you not get?
6. I hate that you don't ever hear the first thing I say. The first thing I say is always the most important. So by the time I'm done explaining something to you, you have two details right and the rest are skewed or completely incorrect.
7. I hate that you make everything so obvious. So if its one of those rare moments when you don't say exactly what's going on, I can tell what you're thinking anyway, and you think you're not obvious, but you are, SO obvious. (See No. 1)
8. I hate how you're so suspicious that everyone is lying to you all the time. I hate that. After I told you how much I hate liars. After I told you about two of the people that broke my spirit and my heart because we were so close only to find out that they lied for no reason constantly. Why would I ever lie to anyone after that? Especially to someone I care about as much as I did for you. And the things you accused me of lying about? Why do you have to be so stupid?
9. I hated the way you talked to my parents. They liked you alright, but some of the things you said, and the way you said it, you sounded like such a suck up. And your jokes? Some of them were fine, but when you joke about having AIDS in front of my dad? No. No no no. Why the hell would you do that?
10. I hated how you expected me to look my best everyday. I'm tired. I don't sleep at night. I'm 70% sure that I'm an insomniac. I hate mornings, and my hair looks fine natural. I don't have the time or patience or strength to straighten my hair perfectly straight every morning. And yeah, I have acne and I cover it up best I can, so yeah, I do wear a lot of makeup. I know that. I know when I'm having a bad hair day. I know why my makeup looks bad. I know when I got 4 hours of sleep. I don't need you to tell me that. (See No. 1) Especially coming from the guy that said I was beautiful no matter what. That you loved my hair no matter how I wore it.
11. I hated it when you told me you would quit. Its great if you're going to quit, but don't tell me you're going to if you're not going to. Because honestly I don't care what you do. Its your life. And especially don't tell me that I'm your motivation for quitting, and then show up the next day messed up. That makes me feel worthless, like I'm not good enough. And you know, that thought would have never come into my mind if you hadn't told me that you were quitting for me.
12. I hate how you made me cry and yet you somehow have reason to be mad at me for it? Really? Your mad because you hurt me and I'm not going to just pretend that I'm okay with it? No. That's not going to fly. I was there for you. I cared about you. I put every ounce of energy I had into making us work. I ruined my relationship with my parents, because I was so absorbed in my thought about you that I was too preoccupied to treat them with respect. I did everything I could for you.
13. And how do you repay me? "I will meet you right here after class" I hate how you got my hopes up for nothing. Spanish. I hate it. I just sat there all hour waiting to get out hoping to see you standing there waiting for me. But day after day, you didn't show. I didn't get mad. I didn't give you the cold shoulder. I gave you a pass. I let it go. And then you don't call me? And then I call you and you don't answer, and then when you finally do you're (See No. 11) and you tell me you'll call me back later. Guess you never called me back? And guess who went to sleep feeling miserable, and unwanted?
14. I hate that you're "just so stressed out" because I've been stressing since the very beginning. But I stayed to make it work. I stayed because I cared about you. I stayed because I couldn't just quit. I did everything in my power to make you happy and everything I could wasn't good enough for you. No, you don't care about me. If you did today would have gone down a lot differently. I cared. When you were alone, when no one else was there. I was. So thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great.
And Here We Go Again.
With all the things we said
And not a minute spent,
To think that we'd regret.
So we just take it back,
These words and hold our breath,
Forget, the things we swore we meant
I'll write you just to let you know,
That I'm alright.
Can't say I'm sad to see you,
Go.
Cuz I'm not.
~Paramore
No comments:
Post a Comment