Drunken Lullabies

I have a book. A book of quotes, because I think I'm hilarious, and I like to remember the things I say. But not only that, there's quotes from movies, and things. Mainly, it's just stuff from when I hang out with my best friend. Here's some things from that book: (substitute names)

Pedro: I win
Me: U win?
Pedro: eodihredn rltiewjwao feklrah
Me: WTH?
Pedro: Ha, I win the confusing game, I confused you, I get all the Apples.
Me: Dangit, I had something planned for dem apples.
Pedro: Well you can give me all of the Apples or 3/4 of the Bananas
Me: Well I has no Bananas, so I will give you 3/4 of nothing.
Pedro: Erm, I agree to your terms.


"Don't tell my toes I said that. They'll have self-esteem issues. They are more confident than most toes."


"Look at his face! It's all facey!"


Me: I put the cookies in the baking machine
Julia Fitzburger: The baking machine?
Me: Yes, the hot box.


"I don't know why massaging the popcorn seemed like a good idea..."


"That was like two straight minutes of retarded."


"It's PANDAmoneum!!"


Me: Collasoally Cool, Man!
Julia Fitzburger: Yeah Man, Totally Tubular!!


"Please buy me a rabbit"


"OMG, I'ma fireplace!!"


"I like your babies!!"
(Actually said to an actual stranger in the mall who had actual babies ^.^)


Beatrice Burrito: 0 trans fat!!
Me: Oh! Thank God! I hate trans fat! The make me feel so fat, and....transy...
Beatrice Burrito: They make me feel so transexually fat.


Taco Tom: AH! My nipples! Hold on, let me finish my ice cream first.


La Herramienta: Did you guys drink anything?
Barbie: Yeah...?
La Herramienta: Did you drink apple juice?


Madre: I love you. You smell nice.


"That's what happens when I eat pop."


"Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!!"

And then there's a long list of area codes, because, um, I got bored......

"Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach 
As I want you to be
As as trend, as a friend
As an old memory"